i don't like sucking hair
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
