I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
