I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
