she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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