I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
