'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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