there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
