then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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