we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
