this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize