What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
