My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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