This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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