You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
