this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
