Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
