i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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