this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
