if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
