i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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