I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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