I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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