Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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