the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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