there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
