im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
