dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
