My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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