It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
