walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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