It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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