Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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