You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
