Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
