If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
