I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
