she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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