Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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