1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
