So drunk its hurt
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
