yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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