The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize