These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
