I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
