Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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