Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
