It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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