Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
