oh god the rape fog is back!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize