The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
