it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
