I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
