that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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