In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
