the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
