UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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