all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
