come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
