I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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