so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We are all done wearing pants today
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
