Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
