He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize