All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
