Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
