Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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