On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
