you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
