To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
