I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
