a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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