You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
