I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize