Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
