What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
