I love black thongs
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
