Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
