I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
