Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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