i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize