I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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