I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
