I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize