eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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