There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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