that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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