Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
