I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
