Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
