So drunk its hurt
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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