Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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