...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
