they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
