Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
