i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
