didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
