remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Enjoy the penises
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
