Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
